The Idea of Comfort

If you know me well, you know that I am one that likes to be comfortable. It could be something physical like temperature, a cozy bed or clothes, or maybe taking my contact lenses out for the day; it could be something emotional like having a plan, knowing how something is going to occur, or knowing the people around me. I am a big fan of this concept.

As a child, I was extremely shy and anxious. Many of you may not believe this, because sometimes I can be very loud and outgoing nowadays :). I hated new situations, I would cry and cry and beg my parents not to make me go to social events having to do with school, sports, or friends. I wouldn't let my close family or friends sing happy birthday to me before I blew out my birthday candles on the cake. I wouldn't walk across the stage with the rest of my class at my kindergarten graduation at age 6 (yes, we had a ceremony, with caps and gowns and diplomas and the whole shebang). I was full of fear and anxiety caused by uncertainty, attention, and overall, discomfort.

Thanks to my parents (seriously!!!) forcing me against my will to do many, many, MANY things, I have grown as a person and, I hate to admit, usually ended up loving whatever they forced me to do. I've gotten better over the years; first they made me join the basketball team, then go to sleepover camp with my Girl Scout troop, and more recently, go on the Spanish exchange in high school. Notice, all of these are experiences that required newness: new people, places, things, situations. This is what scared (scares) me the most.

I am still very in love with knowing what's going to happen. I am the one in every friend group that I have ever been in to plan the next sleepover, get together, or party. I am the one that is OCD enough to take action so I know what my plans will be this weekend, even though it probably would have worked itself out eventually. To do lists are my jammmm.

You might be asking yourself: why is this girl rambling so much about something seemingly unrelated to travel.... for me, this is the ESSENCE of travel.

I think if I were presented with this opportunity with the same mindset that I had when I was younger, I never would have done it in a million years. I must have changed a lot, because before arriving, when I told people about what I was going to do, I got reactions of shock when I told them I didn't know anyone else coming with me, I was going to live with an unknown family, immerse myself in a foreign language, go to a continent that most Americans have some sort of strange "fear" of due to what the media and the horror stories that their friends tell them.... and all of this seemed extremely small and insignificant to me.

I have been pondering this idea of comfort for the past few days, when I find myself thinking about home and "what if" situations comparatively to the ones I find myself in in Argentina.

There is a comfort in being able to get your point across exactly the way you formulate it in your mind, with exactly the right words.
There is a comfort to traveling the same path every day and knowing you will arrive on time to class or work.
There is a comfort to having a group of good friends close to you spatially to who you can text at any time to come hang out with you, and these same people you can rely on to hang out with you on the weekend.
There is a comfort to speaking the same damn language fluently as your teachers and waiters and shopkeepers and everyone around you are speaking
There is a comfort in knowing how assignments usually are, or what professors expect of you for a test or a paper.
There is a comfort in the fact that you can text on your iPhone while on the sidewalk and know for pretty certain it won't get stolen out of your hand.
There is a comfort in being able to find the products that you're used to at the store you know for sure will have them.
There is a comfort in knowing that people won't constantly ask you where you're from or stare at you because of the way you dress or talk, immediately noticing that you are a foreigner.

This experience is a constant stream of discomfort. I am fairly proficient in Spanish and still have to ask people to repeat things to me multiple times a day. I don't understand everything my professors are saying, and I don't always know exactly what to say to get my point across, and it's FRUSTRATING.

It's hard to feel the pressure of being here for such a short period of time: trying to travel to all the places you can, meet all the people you can, speak all the Spanish you can. There is a stream of advice given to any student before they go abroad and I think we all feel a need to live up to all of these points of advice that are given to us.

I hope that this post didn't come off negative, because I am loving every part of my study abroad so far. Buenos Aires is one of the most interesting places that I've ever been and everything is so beautiful- the people, the buildings, the way in which the porteños speak.

Even though my gut usually tells me that I want to stay home and watch Netflix, I know that I should go out and force myself to meet new people and have new experiences and dance to cumbia until 6 o'clock in the morning when the sun is rising.
I know that I should see new sights in the city, even though I have to take a new bus to get there, and my bus app probably won't tell me the right intersection to catch it, so I'll have to walk a few blocks or ask someone at a kiosko.
I know that I should go up and talk to a random person and not worry about them wondering "who is this American and why is she trying to speak Spanish?"

I have been here for three weeks and it feels like a lifetime, and it terrifies the shit out of me that I have 4 plus months left. But I wouldn't trade this for the world, and I know this extended period of discomfort will only allow me to grow as a person immensely. And if anyone has any advice, that has studied abroad or is now, pleaseeeee let me know!!!!

Thanks for reading, besos desde BsAs. Chao!
Anna

PS for family that may not be on Facebook I no longer have access to my American phone line, my Argentinian SIM is in my iPhone. So let me know if you want the number for iMessage or WhatsApp! Comment on here or email me or whatever!